Social life

Okay so the main reason for the lack of updates; social life. Not that it is the biggest one out there, it is just that it has kept me from writing because it has left me exhausted to the level where I could fall asleep standing. Having a constant cold doesn't help either (I really should go and get that checked.)

Not a lot has happened lately. Apart from the same old, wake up, work, sleep and press a few lunch dates and evening meet ups in. Not that I mind in the slightest. Most of this terms holiday dates are set as well so now I have the opportunity to start planning around those as well. It all leaves me very excited.

What doesn't leave me all too excited though is what happens when my year here is up. I am already halfway through and I don't really want to think about what will happen when I am done. I will not stay another year, I have promised myself that, I need to go elsewhere. Just where? I want to keep on moving, and will not move back home. If I do move back to Sweden it will not be to the same hole that I left, because of all too many reasons to ignore.

I will however have to, within the next week preferably, do the following:

• Look into programs at schools in Sweden for next year.
• Look into living where said schools are.
• Look into pro's and con's for studying here vs. studying in Sweden.
• Look into pro's and con's for working vs. studying.
• Actually figure out what I want to do with my life.

Once again back to routines

Christmas and NYE holidays were a blessing but it feels good being back to the routines. I didn't actually think that I would miss sending kids off to school and making meals, giving rides to practices and swimming lessons, but I do. And it feels going back back.

This year I am planning on seeing more of London. Not just staying in my little Northern London-bubble, but actually get around a bit and since I have my long periods of time off during the day, I really do have a golden opportunity, I just need a bit of a carrot for getting away from the comfortableness off staying in the area.

I will also be volunteering at a local charity shop as a part of #OneMillionHours set up by BBC Radio 1, which I am very excited about. Several concerts and  events are already planned, along with visits from people I hold dear. I am feeling very positive towards this spring, and I hope it doesn't pass as quickly as people say it usually does.

Partly because I don't really want to leave, but also because I don't really know what to do afterwards. I want to study, but I also want to move on, travel somewhere else and see what that place has to offer. But all of that for another day she says as she postpones it for the seventh time this week.

Hiatus over

Okay, there never was a hiatus, just a lazy-ass blogger.

To be honest, I totally meant to write several posts during Christmas and New Years, but I never got around to even opening the laptop. I brought it back home with me, but never actually used it.

So first off, I went home - again. This time my sister did not know a single thing about it and surprising her was the best Christmas gift I could ever have gotten. Along with the well needed money that my parents handed me on Christmas Eve. There was not a single flake of snow in sight and I had a cold from hell, but it did not really matter seeing as I got to spend my sacred holiday with my family and best friend. It was truly awesome. The dogs were beside themselves this time as well (even more than the first time I dare say, which is strange because you'd think that they'd be happier about seeing me after 4 months, rather than 10 days).

And even though I was very happy to be back home, arriving on Dec 23rd might not have been the wisest thing. Why? Because the entire of UK decided to be at the North Terminal of Gatwick Airport at 8AM, flocking around Gate 14-16 were we had to be as well. So after having avoided getting our feet run over by several buggies, trolleys, suitcases on wheels and just people with big feet in general we managed to get to our gate only to have the flight delayed with an hour. Which might not sound too bad (compared to the flight to Bangkok that was supposed to leave at 8.45AM but was delayed until 9.05PM) but when all you really want to do is get home - yeah well. We were not beside ourselves.

Being home was nice though. 0% Christmas feelings and no snow, but it was nice.Vacation spent back home, it felt strange. And after four days, I slowly came to the realisation that I am perfectly fine with going back here, and perhaps not ever go back. I have grown too much to go back to living at home and four days with my family made me realise that. Although it was great seeing people you have missed it felt even better getting back here.

So after spending Christmas in Sweden, New Years in London felt like a really good idea. It was nowhere near as wild and outrageous as one might have hoped it would be but it was nice cause I had my girlfriend and my best friend on either side as it struck midnight and I don't think I have ever felt as content. Not only did we do some resolutions with friends back home, but we also got new resolutions done here and I have honestly never felt more confident in managing my resolutions than I do this year. Not because I feel like I have to, but because I feel like I actually want to this time and I think that weighs more than feeling the need to keep them.

Homebound

So this weekend, I finally got to go home. Not that I have been longing since I arrived and wouldn't have survived another day without putting my feet on Swedish soil, but it was nice being home.

I didn't realise that it would be that easy to just fall back into routine and though it felt strange the first day, with the whole being back and somehow having everyone else act as if though I never really left, it felt good. The familiarity with it all, knowing where all the kitchen tools are, where to put things that I haven't touched in ages, who does what after dinner, what there is to do after dinner. It felt nice falling back into it.

Also, I knew that I missed my dogs, but I was not prepared for tearing up as I saw them again. And I was not prepared for the intese affection fest that it brought on. Just the fact that I was able to, should I want to, just walk the dogs whenever. Or just have one of them cuddle up beside me on the sofa as I watched a movie. Or even having to tell them not to bark at the neighbours. It was all so familiar and things that I don't really thought twice of before I left, but now I really did treasure it in a whole other way.

And the fact that Christmas is closing in also helped the experience. I haven't really had the whole Christmassy feeling grow here as much as it usually does at home but as soon as I did get home it was there. Could have to do with that the smells, and impressions and memories were all there. Everything that I connect with Christmas was right there in my face when I stepped through the front door and it just took me by surprise. Watching the advent calendar, decorating the tree and baking biscuits and scones also helped and by the time I left this afternoon I was all stocked up on Christmas feelings to last me the year.

However, two full days was just about enough for me. I have grown so much and become so much more accustomed to having things done my way, I can do whatever I want whenever I want it, unless I am working obviously. Also having seen how other families work and sometimes don't work, I have way too many opinions on what can be improved and praised in my own. Which perhaps shouldn't always be voiced. Let's just say that I felt like these two days were just enough time for me to catch up and refill my 'dog-loving' quota, but if I had needed to stay another week I would probably have torn my hair off and eaten it for breakfast. No hard feelings.

Just three more days

In just three days time I will have landed in Sweden and will possibly be in a car on my way home to kiss the living sh*t out of my dogs. Oh and the family of course.

After the hell that was last week, this week feel a massive amount easier and eventhough I have two more entire days to go, the train ride to the airport still feels within reach. The only problem is packing. I am always packing to go away, but now I am packing to go to Home I. Going from Home II to Home I is trickier than I thought it would be cause obviously I brought stuff here that I no longer need, or that I do need when I go back to Sweden, but then again it feels utterly pointless bringing back stuff to Sweden that I can most definitely get there. But then again, why get another set of something that you already have and just ugh. This is a first world problem if I ever saw one but it is real and present and it annoys me.

I have however, packed my suitcase with books. I have apparently managed to buy 10 books (and read 6 of them - yes that is right). I am bringing 10 books with me on the flights. 10 books. One would think that I'd be able to keep from buying books when I know I am going to have to sihp them to and fro, but no. Now my book shelf just stares depressingly empty at me and I feel a bit sad that I had to clean out the majority of the shelves of stuff that I "had" to bring back to Home I. It is just that I'd rather take it in turns and make sure some of it goes home with each suitcase that has Destination: Sweden written on it, than being sweaty over having to bring it all back in one go. Because god knows that with my addiction with books and Primark, it would take at least 6 suitcases.

Also, Christmas is approaching. 18 days left. Which is a bit sad because by this time I have usually entered Christmas Mode 2.0 but this year there is not a single Christmassy feeling around. I am blaming the lack of snow, and trusting what the family says, there will be none. Maybe I shouldn't trust them and just keep my hopes up. However, all the Christmas presents are bought, apart from the best friend's, which is the trickiest one so far, and wrapped.

Snow or no snow, tomorrow Christmas music will be blasting through my head phones.

1 December

I realised that the only post from December cannot be about me missing my dog. That will not do.

It doesn't really feel like 1 December though. But that could be because me and the children have been in a festive spirit since the end of October and they even stopping making fun of my ugly gorgeous Christmas jumpers. They think they have seen them all. Oh, they are in for a surprise.

The fact that the Christmas lights are on throughout all the streets are really helping with the festive atmosphere as well. Then there is the constant singing of Christmas carols, the never-ending practising of Christmas songs on their cellos, clarinets and violins. I am not complaining, I love Christmas, it is just that I am afraid that it will all be over to quickly. I didn't realise until I, listening to BBC Radio 1 this morning got caught on something Nick Grimshaw said "You don't want it to be over by 8 December" and it hit me that that is probably what will happen. Unless I won't let it.

Wow, this is turning into one of those tug wars. Oh well.

I am super excited about Christmas, and the fact that I have already managed all the presents apart from two (which of one is planned and the other one is a mystery still). I don't think I have ever had such trouble finding presents for people (could have something to do with that fact that I am buying stuff for people that I have not only known for a mere 4 months, but also, they are 9-15 y/o) but I have really enjoyed running around in London, trying to find something suitable.

All that is missing now is the snow. Keeping wishing, right?

Home sick pt. 2

In less than two weeks time I am home. That is the one thing that I keep thinking about, no matter what I am doing or who I am with.

It is not that I want to go home and stay there, that I don't enjoy being in London, that I don't like the people here or the fact that I live here. It is not that. It is more the fact that i miss my home. I miss the place I grew up in and I miss the people that I have seen pretty much every day since I was born. I keep telling myself that I will be back in no time anyway; that I shouldn't really stress over wanting to go back - but it is just that the more I try to not think about it, the more I end up thinking about it and it is really hard to do the stuff you are supposed to be doing when all you can think about is how much you'd want to do this and that, meet that and that person, etc.

I am pretty sure though, that as soon as I have been home and gotten the whole "I miss my family" thought out of my head I will be more than fine with going back. (To be honest, it is the dog I really miss.)