Half-term

I never thought I'd feel so uncomfortable with having a week off. And I never thoguht I'd feel so clueless with what to do with that week off.

Half-term is here and so many of the other au-pairs have been preparing for weeks and are jumping up and down with joy over the fact that the kids are off school and most likely going away for the week with their parents, leaving the au-pair home alone to do whatever she sees fit. And surely, I do see the glamour in having a week off to do whatever you want in a city like London. The possibilities are endless and you will most likely never run out of things to actually do.

And still I feel completely out of my waters here. I was so into routine, enjoying whatever I was set to do in the weeks and rejoicing in the freedom of the weekends, that now that I have 24h a day for an entire week to do whatever I want with, I feel a bit lost. I mean there are so many places I would love to see and equally many, if not more things I would like to do - but I feel like a week is not enough and just like I wrote last time I am stuck in a limbo between "I have enough time, I'll do it later" and "There is not enough time, no way I can do it all" and it is so unsettling.

However; I have gotten back into photography now, which calms me down immensly - and reading is back on track. The fact that I spend £30 on books when I had £0 to spare was not planned, but it made me happy - so there you go!

I have come to realise (probably as I am writing things) that setting up plans is my way to go cause then I can properly see what I am to do and want to do - but at the same time I cannot make plans for every day of the week, because it will leave me feeling trapped in a schedule and knowing myself - it will backfire, leaving me feeling reluctant to doing anything at all.